Saturday, October 18, 2008
Sense of Accomplishment pt. 2 - Goal Reaching is Risky
I write this as I sit in my half-empty Harlem apartment I moved into with my friend, Glanson, just four short months ago from the cute training-apartment in Brooklyn that I spent my first two years in NYC.
I go back to DC; home, friends, family, familiarity, less stress and more control wait for me. It is sad, but not dissappointing. If I had the time, or the complete lack of a sense of "sharing too much" I'd lay out the sordid details for you. But it would come across as the typical "lesson learned" or "do as I say, not as I do" story to the rest of you.
I forgot to do something before I moved back in 2006. I forgot to figure me out again. Then, in my late 20s and newly single (with issues stemming from the split) I had become a different Matt than the 23 y/o pre-relationship. I didn't know who the new Matt was, and probably thought he was in NYC waiting for me with the NY Time crossword and a respectable social life.
The new Matt was still in DC this whole time, Washington Post Op-Ed in one hand and phone in the other, calling or texting old friends just to say 'hi' and to enrich those existing relationships.
I ran. Fast and hard and expensively. I wasn't totally frivilous, but not smart either. I focussed on everything at once - dating, sex, socializing, work, finances, without knowing or caring what should be done first; I did as something presented itself for attention or resolution. No plans, always reacting.
I could say I lost a lot - but what I'm walking away with in experience and knowledge and fewer questions outweighs what could be considdered a waste of time, money, relationships (made and potential) etc.
Family is the most important thing. Unless derived from evil and selfishness, they are ALWAYS there for you. They will always support you. They don't care about anything except their kid's safety and health, they will help in someway with the rest.
Friends are only as good as you let them. Only as loyal as you show back and only as fleeting as one unreturned phone call.
Jobs are just for the bills. Careers are hard to come by. A balance is the better road taken.
Finally, knowing when to say 'stop' or when to take a new direction when the current path isn't cutting it for you is nothing but impecable timing.
I go back to DC; home, friends, family, familiarity, less stress and more control wait for me. It is sad, but not dissappointing. If I had the time, or the complete lack of a sense of "sharing too much" I'd lay out the sordid details for you. But it would come across as the typical "lesson learned" or "do as I say, not as I do" story to the rest of you.
I forgot to do something before I moved back in 2006. I forgot to figure me out again. Then, in my late 20s and newly single (with issues stemming from the split) I had become a different Matt than the 23 y/o pre-relationship. I didn't know who the new Matt was, and probably thought he was in NYC waiting for me with the NY Time crossword and a respectable social life.
The new Matt was still in DC this whole time, Washington Post Op-Ed in one hand and phone in the other, calling or texting old friends just to say 'hi' and to enrich those existing relationships.
I ran. Fast and hard and expensively. I wasn't totally frivilous, but not smart either. I focussed on everything at once - dating, sex, socializing, work, finances, without knowing or caring what should be done first; I did as something presented itself for attention or resolution. No plans, always reacting.
I could say I lost a lot - but what I'm walking away with in experience and knowledge and fewer questions outweighs what could be considdered a waste of time, money, relationships (made and potential) etc.
Family is the most important thing. Unless derived from evil and selfishness, they are ALWAYS there for you. They will always support you. They don't care about anything except their kid's safety and health, they will help in someway with the rest.
Friends are only as good as you let them. Only as loyal as you show back and only as fleeting as one unreturned phone call.
Jobs are just for the bills. Careers are hard to come by. A balance is the better road taken.
Finally, knowing when to say 'stop' or when to take a new direction when the current path isn't cutting it for you is nothing but impecable timing.
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