Last One on the Blog Train

My apologies to those of you who read my last mess of a post. I just read it myself and laughed an oddly embarassed laugh. That was the most illogical and self-serving string of thoughts I've ever seen in type.

It did serve a purpose, as soon as I cut myself short, I fell asleep. Massive brain dump.

I contimplated deleting the post, but I've thought better of it. I'll keep it up as a reminder of what NEVER to do again on here, and maybe others will come across it and have a good laugh. Don't worry, I'm laughing with you.

At 3:30am, any morning, whether its on the weekend, during the weekend, or during vacation - can be an odd time. Unless you are specifically doing something with people, and that specific something started much earlier, or even yesterday, it can be a time when you are forced to be alone.

Now, I think I've said this before. Being alone and being lonely are two completely different things. Sometimes I have to seek the sanctuary of 3:30am to get some alone time and to file my thoughts from the previous day where they belong. Then sometimes, out of a lack of sleep, a whole crop of new ones pop up. However, they can be the most random bits of information or observation, and the irony is that they have kept me up way past 3:30am in the past.

I guess this is a good of a forum as any to get this stuff down on "paper." This will be a list of random thoughts, some my drop off mid sentence, some may continue on longer than intended, but I want to see if I can type what I think without censor.

I wish I was in NYC right now with my friends. It kills me that I always look for the responsibility in my life and always put it before doing something that may put a smile on my face.

I just bought a $700 hand-held organizer from Dell.com. What the hell for except that I have a lot of credit with them and the new contraption has a GPS system attatched. Irony: I like getting lost and finding my own way.

I saw a shirt today that said "Original Gamer" with a sketch of the original Nintendo's controller on it. You know, a directional pad, start and select buttons, and then A and B. That's it. No Z trigger, no L and R buttons at the top, and definately no sign of a joy stick - and I got Link to Princess Zelda many times just fine.

How did I lose time to play video games? In my mind work takes up about 2/3 of the time that school actually did, and I would play back then for hours. I think the games now have gotten too plain hard. I can't get through them now without the "cheatbook." Whatever.

Can you love someone and not like them at the same time?

At what point in my life do I get to finally stop worrying about when pay day is?

Can you have a crush on someone who lives thousands of miles away and that you haven't seen in almost a year?

I mentally and physically sabatoge myself when it comes to working out. I slave away for weeks for some party, just to hear the other guys say I'm cute, and then I let it all go. It's like blowing up a beach ball a little too much, and then letting the plug out. I'm starting to not to want to blow up the beach ball anymore - unless I do it the right way for the right reasons. But what are those reasons?

*Note: this entry stems from ideas presented in an article in the Jan/Feb issue of Details Magazine; The Future is Now; Michael Chabon; pgs. 90-92.

Talk about learning something new everyday. In this article that I just finished reading 10 minutes ago I found out that there are scientists (of some mathematical discipline) that are creating a clock that is set to run for 10,000 years. No, that's not a type-o. The specific purpose of the clock, from my opinion of the article, is not as important or intriguing as what it says about us in the present.

What is your first memory of the future, your real first memory? Is it The Jetsons (a cartoon brought up frequently in the article)? The Time Machine? Soylent Green? Total Recall? Max Headroom? Back to the Future Part II? The Matrix? Or the soon-to-be-released V for Vendetta?

Every one of those fictional titles probably brings up a specific but extremely distinct vision of the future. Some steeped in fantasy and hope, others mired in helplessness. Now what if we were to separate these, and other depictions of the future, into those two categories? Notice as we go from old visions of the future to newer ones that they become more and more desperate and violent (for the most part). Some of them even depict the world teetering on the edge of a man-made Apocolypse, and those same visions depict an end point closer and closer to the time we live in now.

What happend to the desire? What happend to the enlightenment? What happend to the World's Fair? Sometimes its the hope and excitement of what the future holds that gets us as society through seemingly tough times. But are times now too tough to see past the seemingly infinately high brick wall that separates us from the possible truth?

Why do we scare ourselves like this? Why do we project our opinions and spin them in to doom and gloom? Anything that presents the future to us for entertainment purposes these days becomes too caught up in preaching to us about choices we make and how every one changes the future in big or small ways. I get it, please don't shove another story down my throat about machines taking over, or the moon falling from the sky, or Manhattan being burried in a thousand feet of snow. It's boring, redundant and it accomplishes exactly the opposite of what it sets out to do. It doesn't make me think of how to make things better, but that it doesn't matter what I do, because we're all fucked in the end anyway.

Put out a movie or a book or a show, or even a damn website that gives me something to look forward to. Give me a goal; I'll figure out the steps along the way. But give me (and everyone) the chance to make it right. Don't damn me before I get started (this means you Wachowski Brothers, Warner Bros. Studios, Christian Extremists, Japanese Anime producers and whomever decided that the Book of Revelation needed to be included in the Bible.)

So 10,000 years from now (March 15, 2006 AD) when The Clock of the Long Now winds down; when humans from the Milky Way travel to visit humans who live in some other far off galaxy; when we have transcended the need for religion; when we all drive flying bubble cars; when no one starves and when an education is valued more than currency I hope someone comes across this blog entry and has a side-splitting laugh over our stupidity and blindness at our expense.

I plan on living forever like Walt Disney - I'll be sure to say 'hi' to that person for you.

I feel like I just landed back on Earth after being in space, visiting another planet. That planet's name is Starbucks, located in the Latte Galaxy past the Black Hole they have recently named Opening Retail Stores.

This is my first post in over two weeks, my first chance to check email and even be on a computer other than my scheduling system at work in five days.

Rewarding? Yes. Exhausting? YES! Ready for another vacation? I can pack my bags in five minutes.