Last One on the Blog Train

It doesn't matter if I'm away for a weekend or a month, when I return from any vacation I tend to drop off the face of the earth the next day. Sometimes its because of the mountains of laundry or the lack of food in the house, other times its because I feel so emotionally and mentally stimulated that I need the extra day to sort everything out.

The result from my past weekend in New York describes the latter.

I'm not sure what it is about that city (especially for a guy who grew up in the rural suburbs of VA), but its energizing. It gives me a sense of needing to be going somewhere, doing something. And people say that DC has a fast pace of living, so why do I feel like I've returned to a snails pace?

There were certain (very personal) things that I set out to do this weekend; mostly before the Sunday arrival of my other six friends. But I didn't quite allow myself to accomplish them, and I'm pretty disappointed in myself. I think somewhere along the way I realized that for once I was actually alone, not in a bad sense of the word, but in a way that was fun, scary and deafaning all at the same time. I ended up being afraid of my own thought process.

Being alone means that your thoughts are raw and stay that way. You're the only filter, the only censor, the only audience. Your thoughts are truth, they are actual feelings (well - outside of my tendency to daydream frequently.) And once those guys got across the tunnel, those thoughts were shoved to the bottom of my bag with the dirty socks.

My last few hours in New York yesterday were emotionally charged, up and down. For some reason I realized all that I'm typing now, and my disappointment was too great for me to keep in.

I'm not a crier. Tears are a weird sensation rolling down my cheek.

But still I never cried out, no sobs. And finally it was controlled enough for me to finish packing and get out the door. Back to what I left behind for a while - for better or worse.

So today the cell phone stays off for a while. Emails dealing with schedules and mochas and staffing levels go unanswered. Sometimes aspects of life deserve undivided attention. Right now I place priority on sorting out and remembering and smiling. Anyone and anything that wasn't part of my New York experience will just have to wait.

I'll be home tomorrow.