Friday, July 14, 2006
Answers to Your Starbucks Questions and Then Some
In honor of my three-year anniversary with the Coffee Company of all Coffee Companies, I thought I would compile a list of tidbits your own Starbucks baristas would like to share with you, but are afraid to in the face of delivering awesome customer service. WARNING: None of these are here to offend or to poke fun, just to bring light to some burning questions and statements that are rarely said between caffine junkies and the people that deal it out to them :) (God, I hope I don't lose my job over THIS one.)
1) Whipped cream is bad. Very bad. It really adds nothing to your hot drink except a melted goo of transfat at the bottom of the cup when you're done with your mocha.
2) Skim milk has more carbs than whole milk.
3) The 'mild' coffee has more caffine than the 'bold' coffee. Not much, but just enough.
4) No, we do not make any of the food products we sell in any of the stores. So, no, we cannot customize that tuna sandwich for you.
5) Please pay attention to the return policy posted at each register. Just because you can scream louder than I'm allowed to doesn't mean that I will be able to magically give you back more than $25 in cash, no matter how large the purchase and despite the fact that you have your receipt.
6) If we no longer carry it, we can no longer exchange it or take it back. The tumbler you bought during the Holidays of '98 doesn't work due to normal wear and tear. Buy a new one.
7) If it is no longer on the menu, we are probably out of the Gingerbread/Cinamon Dolce/Toffee Nut etc etc syrup. If one Starbucks is still able to serve it, please don't give the other store a hard time about it. Chances are you need to check the expiration date on the bottle.
8) Conversely, please don't ask for Gingerbread Lattes/Eggnog Lattes before we say we have them. Yes, some stores may have the product, but what's so special about something you can get at anytime you want? If you ask before Nov. 1 and you receive, I'm telling your kids there's no Santa Claus.
9) Venti means 20 in Italian. There are 20 ounces in our Venti sized drinks. Its not that much of a mystery.
10) I will not steam milk past 180 degrees. It tastes, smells and sounds like crap. You run the risk of getting sick, so stop trying to be cute and order a drink at 190. You'll probably end up returning it.
11) Please don't take empty milk containers from the condiment bar to the person making drinks. He can't leave his spot because of the 20 other drinks that need to be made. Ask someone at the cash registers.
12) Our products are a luxury item, not a necessity. Do not come in day after day complaining about dropping $5 for a mocha. I have no sympathy for you. I will, however, give you your mocha with a smile and a 'thank-you' and ask how your kids are doing at swim lessons and remind you that I'll see you tomorrow.
13) You pay a decent price for a few reasons. We believe that all of our partners are entitled to benefits. Benefits cost money. All of the coffee beans sold in all of our stores are hand picked, not shaken down by a machine. All of our drinks are hand crafted at the time you order them. It's not McDonalds. We don't line up tall lattes in a warming window to toss out at you with your change.
14) If you waited behind someone in line to place your order, chances are you need to stay behind them to get your drink as well.
15) We use machines to help us produce our products, and sometimes they stop working. Its a fact of life. We always try our hardest to get them working as quickly as humanly possible. Yelling at us because you have a caffine headache does nothing but cause us to laugh at you after you leave.
16) Get off your cell phone if you want your order filled correctly. This includes all types of hands-free and wireless headsets. It's rude and there is nothing that could be possibly going on at that very moment that is more important than you getting your coffee, or you really shouldn't be in line. Finish your conversation then get in line. Even worse, don't pull out your phone and dial while you're walking in. That's just pretention in its worst form.
And last but not least....
17) I like my job, a lot. I like seeing you every day. I like making your drinks and sharing my knowledge with you. But we all have good days and bad days. Please keep in mind that everyone with a green apron on is a human being just like you, with feelings and personal lives and busy schedules. It's not brain surgery...its just coffee (and damn good coffee at that.)
1) Whipped cream is bad. Very bad. It really adds nothing to your hot drink except a melted goo of transfat at the bottom of the cup when you're done with your mocha.
2) Skim milk has more carbs than whole milk.
3) The 'mild' coffee has more caffine than the 'bold' coffee. Not much, but just enough.
4) No, we do not make any of the food products we sell in any of the stores. So, no, we cannot customize that tuna sandwich for you.
5) Please pay attention to the return policy posted at each register. Just because you can scream louder than I'm allowed to doesn't mean that I will be able to magically give you back more than $25 in cash, no matter how large the purchase and despite the fact that you have your receipt.
6) If we no longer carry it, we can no longer exchange it or take it back. The tumbler you bought during the Holidays of '98 doesn't work due to normal wear and tear. Buy a new one.
7) If it is no longer on the menu, we are probably out of the Gingerbread/Cinamon Dolce/Toffee Nut etc etc syrup. If one Starbucks is still able to serve it, please don't give the other store a hard time about it. Chances are you need to check the expiration date on the bottle.
8) Conversely, please don't ask for Gingerbread Lattes/Eggnog Lattes before we say we have them. Yes, some stores may have the product, but what's so special about something you can get at anytime you want? If you ask before Nov. 1 and you receive, I'm telling your kids there's no Santa Claus.
9) Venti means 20 in Italian. There are 20 ounces in our Venti sized drinks. Its not that much of a mystery.
10) I will not steam milk past 180 degrees. It tastes, smells and sounds like crap. You run the risk of getting sick, so stop trying to be cute and order a drink at 190. You'll probably end up returning it.
11) Please don't take empty milk containers from the condiment bar to the person making drinks. He can't leave his spot because of the 20 other drinks that need to be made. Ask someone at the cash registers.
12) Our products are a luxury item, not a necessity. Do not come in day after day complaining about dropping $5 for a mocha. I have no sympathy for you. I will, however, give you your mocha with a smile and a 'thank-you' and ask how your kids are doing at swim lessons and remind you that I'll see you tomorrow.
13) You pay a decent price for a few reasons. We believe that all of our partners are entitled to benefits. Benefits cost money. All of the coffee beans sold in all of our stores are hand picked, not shaken down by a machine. All of our drinks are hand crafted at the time you order them. It's not McDonalds. We don't line up tall lattes in a warming window to toss out at you with your change.
14) If you waited behind someone in line to place your order, chances are you need to stay behind them to get your drink as well.
15) We use machines to help us produce our products, and sometimes they stop working. Its a fact of life. We always try our hardest to get them working as quickly as humanly possible. Yelling at us because you have a caffine headache does nothing but cause us to laugh at you after you leave.
16) Get off your cell phone if you want your order filled correctly. This includes all types of hands-free and wireless headsets. It's rude and there is nothing that could be possibly going on at that very moment that is more important than you getting your coffee, or you really shouldn't be in line. Finish your conversation then get in line. Even worse, don't pull out your phone and dial while you're walking in. That's just pretention in its worst form.
And last but not least....
17) I like my job, a lot. I like seeing you every day. I like making your drinks and sharing my knowledge with you. But we all have good days and bad days. Please keep in mind that everyone with a green apron on is a human being just like you, with feelings and personal lives and busy schedules. It's not brain surgery...its just coffee (and damn good coffee at that.)
// posted by ProudJock Matt @ 1:38 PM 
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